a tough week...

This week has been a fairly rough one. First, just being away from my new wife is not easy. I miss her. Second, I have some neighbor who thinks that my dogs bark too much. Rather than come to me and knock on my door, he has decided to take this to the town that I live in and I have received a notice that I have to make sure that my dogs are quiet or face further legal problems. What is stupid is that I live on a golf course. I hear dogs barking all of the time. I have played golf on this course and noticed that dogs bark on virtually every hole on the golf course. It is stupid. What is even "stupider" is the ordinance. It is extremely vague. It gives almost no direction on what is excessive. Basically it boils down to an opinion. It is a headache.

On Thursday I learned that my cousin passed away. I feel bad for my aunt and uncle, but this has brought back some not insecurities that I had thought had been put to rest. I was reminded that part of my family, while having access, chose to more or less exclude me from their lives. Why? I have no real idea. It seems that they passed judgment on me early in my life and never allowed themselves to re-evaluate me.

Then I read my step-daughter's blog. What a punch in the nose. All I have done since I married their mother is to try to be understanding of their situation. I know that it cannot be easy for them since their mother is no longer near them. We tried to invite them to our home for thanksgiving, and then I find out that on their way home they spent much of the trip trashing me. Talk about a kick in the teeth. I don't think that I have been hurt this bad in a very long time.

Personally I don't care what they think of me. I know what kind of a person that I am and if they cannot see that then it is there loss. What hurts is what this might do to my relationship with L. She is in the middle. She loves me and loves her kids. I am not here to drive a wedge between them. I know that I am not their father, but I want to be something more to them than what they had with their father. I am not sure that they will let me.

I guess I am just venting. There is not much I can do.